


Merry Christmas, Darling

by distant_rose



Series: Little Pirates [30]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: CS Secret Santa, Christmas, F/M, Family, Family Feels, Family Fluff, Separated over Christmas, the night before Christmas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-26
Updated: 2017-12-26
Packaged: 2019-02-22 06:04:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,563
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13160805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/distant_rose/pseuds/distant_rose
Summary: After a battle against a witch on Christmas Eve, David and Killian end up in Agrabah. After meeting up with old friends Jasmine and Aladdin, they found out they have a way back - only they’re going to miss Christmas!





	Merry Christmas, Darling

**Author's Note:**

> I have to apologize to shipsxahoy on multiple levels because 1) this is late. I was supposed to post this yesterday and then it got out of control and 2) this takes place in my dumpster series Little Pirates, which I have no idea if she’s read or not. So yeah, bad form all around. Anyway, this bit is inspired by Merry Christmas, Darling by the Carpenters, which is one of my giftee's favorite songs. Shout to to welpthisishappening for keeping my sanity.

Killian Jones was having the worst Christmas Ever on record. He had only been celebrating the holiday for roughly twelve years now, but this without a doubt was the worst. The sleepy quietness of Storybrooke had been disrupted that morning with the arrival of a powerful witch. The witch in question was an old rival of Regina’s and had been determined to destroy their holiday by opening up a large unstable portal in the middle of town. Both he and David had gotten too close in their attempt to destroy it and it had sucked in. They had been fortunate enough to land in Agrabah, but despite the familiar faces of Jasmine and Aladdin, Killian was on edge and wanted nothing more than go home.

He and David were currently sitting in the extravagant backrooms of Jasmine’s palace, waiting for the Sultana to return with a solution to their realm-jumping problem. They had been deemed as guests of honor; spoiled with plush pillows, delicious smelling food, a collection of hookahs and a troupe of entertainers. None of this luxury was pleasing to Killian. He paid them no mind, pacing back and forth from wall to wall like a caged tiger; glancing at the door every minute or so.

The overlarge doors opened for the first time in what seemed like hours. Killian paused his pacing, anxiously twisting his fingers of the length of his hook in nervous habit. David rose from the overlarge pillows, standing next to Killian with a cautious expression. Jasmine entered in to the room with Aladdin trailing behind her. When she stopped in front of them, she offered them an apologetic smile that immediately put Killian on edge.

“We have found a merchant who is willing to sell us a magic bean, but he is not in possession of it currently. He said to give him twenty hours and he will have it for us. The price is not cheap but we are more than willing to pay it for you.”

Killian and David shared a long between them. While it was a good to hear that they had a way back to Storybrooke, but the timing could not have been worse as it meant they would miss Christmas and all of their family festivities.

“Are you sure we can’t get the bean earlier than that?”

“Positive. My contact said twenty hours was the earliest,” she replied, crossing her arms in front of her chest. “Why? Is that a problem?”

Killian sighed, raking his fingers through his hair and looking to David for help. His father-in-law looked just as stressed as he did. Christmas Eve was just as important as Christmas Day in their family. It was something that could only be described as an event with a capital E; one with a large family dinner with the Mills sisters and the Golds. First gifts were exchanged between the families and of course when the children went to bed, they would start pulling out presents from their hiding spots and filling stockings with goodies. David and Killian started a tradition long ago of making big displays of “evidence” that Santa had visited their homes with fake deer tracks and notes from Santa to keep the magic and wonder alive.

But chief above all of this was Killian’s favorite tradition where he read the classic story  _The Night Before Christmas_  to his children before they went to bed. It was something he had started when Henry was still teenager and it had seemed silly at first, but his children loved the tale and would listen to him with rapt attention as he read aloud in what they called his “dramatic narrator voice.”

“Yeah, it’s kinda a problem,” David replied with a heavy sigh. “Not that it’s your fault or anything, but the timing for all of this is little inconvenient. It means we are going to miss Christmas. It’s a big holiday back home and one we would prefer to spend with our families.”

“Christmas?” Aladdin spoke up, his voice tinged with curiosity. “What is Christmas?”

“I don’t know if there is any equivalent in your culture, lad, but I think the closest would be the celebration of Mawlid you lot have,” Killian replied with a pained smile.

“So, it’s like a festival?”

“In a way yes, but more family oriented,” David replied. “Kinda like the Winter Solstice back in the Enchanted Forrest but with more gift giving and personal time spent with loved ones.”

“I’m sorry that you’re being kept from it,” Jasmine replied sympathetically. “I know how much you love your family. I would send you to them right now if I could.”

“I know…it’s just…my wee lad’s first Christmas,” Killian sighed miserably. David gave him a sympathetic pat on his shoulder.

“Wee lad? I thought your children were the same age as mine,” Jasmine commented, looking surprised.

“We had another boy not too long ago. Eight weeks old. We call him Neddy.” Killian gave them a small bitter smile before fishing his phone out of his pocket. He opened up his photo app, prepared to show off his and Emma’s latest addition. Jasmine took it gingerly, smiling at the photos of his newborn son. He was a small thing with lots of dark hair and big blue eyes that Killian privately hoped they would darken and take on Emma’s lovely shade of green.

“Congratulations. He’s beautiful baby and he looks just like you,” she said warmly.

“Thank you. I personally think he looks more like my brother than me but he’s got Emma’s nose and chin though.”

“That’s what people say when their kids look nothing like their spouse,” Jasmine replied with a chuckle. “I said that about my daughter when she was born to make my husband happy.”

“But Nas does have my nose and chin thank you very much,” Aladdin injected with a scowl.

Jasmine merely gave her husband a placating smile.

“Is there any way we could contact our family and let them know what’s going on?” David asked impatiently, tired of exchanging news and pleasantries.

Jasmine and Aladdin exchanged another look. It was clear that they hadn’t thought on this aspect.

“I might have some mermaid magic items from when Ariel was last with us. I think there’s a conch shell or two lying around. Unless Hook has some of his own,” Jasmine replied, glancing at her old friend expectantly.

“All of my magical items are home. I wasn’t expecting to fall through any portals today,” Killian responded, scratching behind his ear. “However, this could work in our favor. Emma and I do keep a conch shell on the fireplace in a sort of case of emergency thing. I should be able to call it if you have another one, love.”

“I’ll go see if I have some of Ariel’s stuff then.”

Jasmine turned and walked out the room, leaving her husband behind with Killian and David. Aladdin shifted on feet, giving them both an awkward smile that somehow managed to be boyish despite his age.

"Sooo…portal mishap aside, life is good?”

“Life is pretty good,” David replied, giving him a tight smile before turning his gaze towards Killian. “I mean, the kids are handful. The grandkids even more so.”

“Still sore about my four-year old beating your ten-year old, Dave?”

“I’m pretty sure if Neal wasn’t terrified about possibly hurting his baby niece, he would have taught Beth a lesson.”

“I take it your kids don’t get along?” Aladdin asked, the corners of his lips twitching.

“Oh no, they get along fine, better than we could have hoped for really. My eldest and his eldest are best friends and the rest are fine. Though sometimes it can get rowdy. You know how kids are. I mean, you have a few of your own.”

“We have three,” Aladdin replied. “Nasira and then the twins Malik and Khaled. Nas is great most of the time, the boys…well, they’re work.”

“So you know exactly what we’re talking about!” David grinned. “I mean we have three too. Neal and Ruthie are behaved for the most part but our youngest is a toddler and nearing the terrible two’s. And of course, Hook got competitive with us and had to go for number four.”

“Neddy wasn’t born to one-up you, I can assure you of that.”

“Oh really? So the fact you decided to have another kid had nothing to do with me and Snow having one at all?”

“This may come as a surprise but my world revolves your daughter, not you Dave.”

David opened his mouth to make a reply but promptly shut his mouth when Jasmine returned, looking flushed with exercise and a bit disheveled but overall pleased. She immediately jogged over to them, crown and heavy jewelry bouncing with each step.

“Here!” Jasmine shoved a large pink conch in Killian’s hand. “I think you know how to work this.”

He gave her a grateful smile before raising the conch to his lips. He thought about Emma and how she was probably losing her mind wondering where he and David were. Hopefully she was near their living room and they would be able to hear their call.

“Emma…”

He waited a few moments. No response.

“Emma…”

He gave David a nervous look before trying again.

“Emma…”

“Killian! Killian is that you?”

“Aye, love, it’s me,” Killian grinned, shoulders sagging in relief. Her voice never sounded more beautiful to his ears.

“I’m here too, Emma!” David yanked Killian’s arm towards him so he could tell into the conch. Killian glared at his father-in-law, rubbing his abused rotator cuff with the base of his hook.

“David!” Snow’s voice called back. “David! Are you okay? Where are you?”

“We’re fine,” Killian answered for him. “We’re with some old friends in Agrabah. We got lucky. Is everything okay on your end?”

“We took that crazy bitch down,” Emma replied. “We tried to get her to tell us what happened to you but she didn’t have any more of an idea than we did. Regina has been pouring over books looking for a way to trace the portal but she wasn’t having any luck. Aside from that, the kids kept crying because they thought you both were dead.”

“I’m glad you took that witch down, love. We have some good news and bad news.”

“Oh?”

“The good news is that Jasmine found us a bean.”

“And the bad news?” It was Snow’s voice that came through the conch and she sounded nervous.

“We won’t be able to procure the bean until late tomorrow.”

A silence followed his words. It went on long enough that Killian wondered if the connection between the two shells had been severed somehow. He lifted it to his ear just in case he wasn’t hearing them, but there was no change. No sound emitted from the shell.

“Love, are you there?”

“Yeah...” Emma’s voice held some frustration. “I just don’t know what to say...you’re going to miss Christmas. I mean, I’m glad you’re both alive and okay but I just...I just don’t know what know what we’re going to tell the kids...”

“You don’t have to do that, love. Just let us talk to them. We’ll break the news and we’ll be the bad guys for this.”

“This isn’t your fault, Killian!”

“I know it is, love, but it’s upsetting. I’m upset, you’re upset, the kids are upset. This just a bad situation. And believe me, there’s nothing I want more than to be home.”

Killian waited for Emma to respond, but she didn’t speak. Instead a new voice emitted from the shell.

“Dad…” It was Killian’s eldest who spoke. Harrison’s voice sounded so small and uncertain. It made his heart hurt. “Dad...Is that you?”

“Hey Har,” he replied softly. “I’m here and so is Grandpa.”

“Hey Buddy! Are you having a good Christmas so far?” David called over Killian’s shoulder, startling him slightly.

“No.” Harrison’s blunt answer made them both wince. “We were scared. We didn’t even eat dinner. Or even touch presents.”

“Daddy! Is that Daddy?!” Killian’s daughter’s voice was loud through the conch. “Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!”

“Hello, little love,” Killian said softly, closing his eyes as he tried to keep himself together.

“Wait! You guys are talking to Dad?” It was Neal spoke. “Dad? Hook?”

“We’re here.”

“Where are you? I want you to come home!” 

“We can’t, Buddy. Not tonight,” David replied, sounding guilty.

“But you have to! You have to come home! It’s almost Christmas!”

“Dad and Hook aren’t coming home? They have to!” Eight-year old Ruthie Nolan whined. Killian could almost picture the pout on his mini sister-in-law’s face. “Daddy needs to put his reindeer antlers on! And Hook has to read us the story!”

“Antlers?” Jasmine questioned.

Killian and David both jumped at the sound of her voice. They had forgotten that she and Aladdin were still there.

“Umm…” David blushed as he tried to find the words to explain to them.

“Fake reindeer antlers,” Killian answered for him “It’s a ridiculous headdress-like thing that Dave wears around the holidays to make us all laugh.”

Before anyone could make further comment on this, Killian’s daughter’s voice came through the shell again.

“Wait! Daddy isn’t gonna be home for the story! But Daddy always reads the story! We can’t do it without him!”

Killian closed his eyes again, trying to hold back his frustration and heartbreak. David squeezed his shoulder again in sympathy. Jasmine placed over her hand over her mouth and her eyes looked suspiciously misty. 

“I’m not going to be home in time, love. Mom can read you the story. She has the book.”

“But Mom doesn’t have the right voice for it!” It was seven-year old Wes Jones who spoke.

“Sorry to disappoint, lad.”

“What if I want you to come home instead of my presents, would Santa do that instead?” Beth asked.

“I don’t think Santa is capable of that one,” Killian replied, feeling once more ready to cry.

“Why not? I’ll give up my presents too! Isn’t Santa supposed to be magical?” Ruthie inquired.

“Santa isn’t real, genius!” Wes snapped at her.

“Hey!” Killian barked into the conch. “Santa is real! I will not be tolerating attitude right now! It’s Christmas! Be nice to each other!”

“Sorry,” Wes mumbled.

“All I want to Christmas is Dad to be home and Hook to read us the story,” Neal grumbled.

“I love how your son wants me back just for the story,” Killian remarked, glancing at David. “It’s really nice to know that is the only purpose my return serves.”

“Well, he has his priorities straight.”

“This must be quite the story then,” Aladdin commented. “If all of those kids are obsessed with it.”

“It’s a classic story in our realm,” David explained. “But I think they like it more because Hook uses some weird narrator voice for it.”

“It’s not weird. You’re just jealous you don’t have a narrator voice as dashing as mine,” Killian replied with a tiny smirk. “And I’ve been reading the story for the past twelve years, first with Henry and now with this lot. I can almost recite it by memory.”

As he said the words, a thought came to him and a grin spread across his face. David recognized that expression and groaned.

“I know that face.”

“What face?” Jasmine asked.

“That face he gets when he thinking of something crazy like fake lightsaber battles in the front lawn and pie-eating competitions for the Most Awesome Dad award, which make no sense,” David responded.

“Those were brilliant ideas. You’re just a sore loser, Dave. But I promise this one is tame,” Killian replied before holding the conch back up to his mouth and speaking. “How well can you lot hear me?”

“It’s like listening to you over the phone, except more weird,” Harrison replied.

“Good. That witch might have stolen Christmas Eve, but I’m not going to let her steal  _The Night Before Christmas_  from you. So, I’m going to try and recite the story from memory. You might have to help me with a few parts, but I’m going to do my best. How does that sound?”

“Awesome!” Neal shouted. “You’re going to do in the narrator voice right? Because it’s not the story without the narrator voice!”

“Aye,” Killian chuckled. “I’ll use the narrator voice. Just get the book and settle in. Let me know when you’re ready.”

“Now I really want to hear this narrator voice they keep going on about,” Jasmine commented with a grin.

“It’s really not that great,” David replied with a roll of his eyes. “They just like it because he sounds like a movie announcer when he does it.”

“A what?” Jasmine and Aladdin stared at him blankly. Killian couldn’t help but sympathize. It wasn’t too long ago that he was just as clueless and ignorant to certain elements of Storybrooke’s realm.

“Right, I don’t have any other way to describe other than that, but you’ll hear it soon. And realize it’s overrated.”

“You’re looking a little green with envy, Dave,” Killian teased.

“And I’m not jealous.”

“Sure…”

Any remark that David would have made protesting against Killian’s statements where cut off when Neal’s voice came through the conch once more.

“Okay. We have the book. Are you ready?”

“Aye. The bigger question is are you lot ready?” Killian responded, smirking at David. His father-in-law rolled his eyes once more and in that moment, Killian could definitely see how his wife and his best friend were most certainly related. Emma was have gotten the eye-rolling gene from him.

“Alright then,” he said before rolling his shoulders and using his patented narrator voice. “Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a….” Killian trailed, waiting for the children to finish the sentence for him. They didn’t disappoint.

“MOUSE!” All five of them shouted loudly into the shell.

“Yes, not even a mouse!” Killian agreed. “Now, the stockings were hung by the chimney with care in hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there. The children were nestled all snug in their beds while visions of sugar plums danced in their…” He paused once more.

“HEADS!” This time they were even louder and Killian had to hold the shell as far away from his person as he could in hopes of saving his eardrums.

“Yes, there was sugar plums dancing in their pretty heads! Now, Mama in her kerchief and I in my cap, had just settled our bed for a long winter’s nap. When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter that I sprang from the bed to see what was the…”

“MATTER!”

They had fallen into a pattern now of Killian reciting four lines off the top of his head and the five children finishing the final word of the last line.

“Away to the window, I flew like a flash and tore open the shutters and threw the sash. The moon on the breast of the new fallen snow gave the luster of midday to the objects below. When what to my wondering eye should appear but a miniature sleigh and eight tiny…”

“REINDEER!” They were even louder than the last few times, which didn’t necessarily surprise him. The idea of flying reindeer was definitely his children’s favorite element of Christmas aside from the concept that they got presents from a jolly fat elf. He knew that David’s daughter Ruthie was in love with the idea of reindeer and had even asked for her own pair of fake antlers, which he and Emma had gotten her as a gag gift.

“With a little old driver, so lively and quick. I knew in that moment it must have been St. Nick. More rapid than eagles his coursers they came and he whistled and shouted and called them out by…”

“NAME!”

“Now! Dasher, now! Dancer, now! Prancer, and Vixen! On! Comet, on! Cupid, on! Dunder and Blixem! To the top of the porch-“ “Where’s Rudolph?” Beth interrupted him.

“Pardon, little love?” Killian asked, the question pulling him out of his rhythm.

“Rudolph the rednosed reindeer! Isn’t he supposed to be in front?”

Immediately Killian’s eyes cut to David for help, but he just shrugged at him like the traitor he was.

“Rudolph isn’t in this story, stupid!” Wes commented with a scoff.

“I’m not stupid!”

“It’s moments like these where I am reminded how better behaved my children are compared to yours,” David remarked smugly.

Killian decided not to dignify that remark with a response. Instead he just glared at his father-in-law while turning his attention back to his kids.

“Do you want the story or not?” Killian asked irritably. “Because I’ll stop if you keep on fighting like this!”

“Sorry…”

“Sorry Daddy!”

“Right now…” he then continued. “To the top of the porch! To the top of the wall! Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!”

“Dad, you had one more ‘dash away’ than needed,” Harrison commented.

“Apologies, lad, as I said before, I’m doing this memory. Can I continue?” he responded irritably.

“Yeah, just wanted you to know.”

“Thanks. Now, as dry leaves before the wild hurricane fly when they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky. So up to the house-top the coursers they flew with the sleigh full of toys and St. Nicholas too!”

“You didn’t let us finish that one,” Neal complained.

“If you let me continue, I will let you finish the next one,” Killian sighed, feeling tired. “Fine?”

“Okay, I guess.”

Killian went back to reciting the story. “And then in a twinkling, I heard on the roof the prancing and pawing of each little hoof. And as I drew in my head and was turning around, down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound. He was dressed all in fur from his head to his foot and his clothes were tarnished with ashes and…”

“SOOT!” Neal and Wes’s voices were noticeably louder than the others. 

“Good! Now, a bundle of toys was flung on his back and he looked like a peddler just opening his pack. His eyes! How they twinkled! His dimples how merry! His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a…”

“CHERRY!”

Killian couldn’t help but chuckle at bit at the returned enthusiasm. He thought he would have lost them by now.

“His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow and the beard of his chin was as white as snow. The stumble of a pipe he held tight in his teeth and the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath. He had a broad face and a round belly that shook when he laughed like a bowl full of…”

“JELLY!”

“Yes, jelly, my favorite thing,” Killian chuckled. “Emma once made me believe it had magical healing properties!”

“That was jello, not jelly but I remember that!” David laughed, clapping him on the shoulder. “That seems like so long ago now.”

“Aye. We’re talking fifteen years ago, mate!”

“Ugh, stop being old and get on with the story!” Wes complained again.

David snorted. “If only they knew how old you really are…”

Killian glared at him.

“Are you suggesting that Dad is like a bajillion years old?” Wes asked.

“Don’t be stupid. Bajillion isn’t a number,” Harrison said. Killian didn’t need to be there to know his eldest was rolling his eyes.

“Says who?” Wes demanded to know.

“Says me,” Harrison responded.

“Oh, so no one.”

“See what you started,” Killian remarked, narrowing his eyes at his father-in-law.

“They do that entirely on their own!”

“I can see what you meant by handful now…” Aladdin remarked, looking like he was trying very hard not to laugh.

“Where’s my story?” Beth demanded.

“It’s not your story, it’s OUR story!” Ruthie responded, sounding annoyed.

“If everyone would just stop interrupting me then it would be done by now...” Killian remarked with a sigh.

“I know. Boys are stupid, Daddy.”

“And you aren’t much better,” Neal muttered under his breath but Killian heard him through the conch all the same.

“I’m going to continue now before the second coming of Ogre Wars breaks out,” Killian commented dryly, licking his lips. “Anyway, Santa was chubby and plump - a right jolly elf and I laughed when I saw him in spite of myself.  A wink of his eye and a twist of his head soon gave me the know that I had nothing to…”

“Dread!” The response came from all of the children but was muted in comparison to their original yelling. Killian wasn’t sure if it was because of the leftover animosity between the children or that they were getting tired.

“Aye, dread. Now, he spoke not a word but went straight to his work and filled up all the stockings then turned with a jerk. And laying his finger aside of his nose and giving a nod, up the chimney he…”

“Rose!”

“He sprung to his sleigh to his team gave whistle. And away they all flew like the down of a thistle but I heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight…Merry Christmas to all and to all…”

“Good night…” They finished for him. Killian smiled when he heard one of them yawn.

“What time is it for you? I’m almost certain it’s bedtime and Santa is gonna be there soon,” he said to them.

“It’s a little after nine,” Harrison answered.

“Which is way past your bedtime,” David remarked, rubbing his temples. “All of you should have been in bed an hour ago.”

“But you’re not here. I don’t want to sleep without you tucking me in,” Ruthie whined.

“Mom is gonna tuck you in tonight and I will tuck you in tomorrow, I promise. Now, be good and go to bed, sweetheart. Santa is coming and I don’t want you missing out on your presents,” David replied, swallowing audibly. “I love you.”

“I love you too, Daddy.” There was a pause. “And I love you too, Hook.”

A sad smile crossed Killian’s lips.

“I love all of you. But you really need to get to bed. So, good night and Merry Christmas. I’ll see you tomorrow. Please hand the shell over to Emma.”

“Merry Christmas!” They chorused.

“This Christmas is very big deal,” Jasmine said quietly. “I’m sorry you’re missing it.”

“It’s not your fault,” David said quietly. “There will be other Christmases.”

“Killian?” Emma’s voice sounded from the shell.

“I’m here, love.”

“You’re amazing. I wish you were here to see how happy they were that you did the story. They were all huddled around the shell. It was...I really wish you were here.”

“I wish I was there too,” he replied with a sad smile. “Hopefully if all goes well, I’ll be there tomorrow tonight.”

“I don’t want to do Christmas without you.”

“You have to. The kids are expecting presents from Santa,” he replied with a shake of his head even though he knew his wife couldn’t see him.

“I know…I’m going to have to put the kids to bed and handle Kris Kringle soon, but I love you and can’t wait for you to be back,” she paused for a moment, sighing. “Merry Christmas, Killian.”

“Merry Christmas, darling.”


End file.
